i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
