I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
