and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
