I'm really into asian looking animals
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
