Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
