Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
