Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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