Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
