Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I need moral support for this bender
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
