i jhust puked up my retainher.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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