What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize