Well douche your snatch and let's go!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
