Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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