i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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