youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
