Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize