Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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