he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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