The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
