my sisters under your porch take her home
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
