Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
