Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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