Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
