No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
