He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Alive.
So much puke
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
