i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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