Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
