I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
