Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
