Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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