Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I need to calm my uterus...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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