i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
