i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
one might say we're banned from that church
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
