You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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