So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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