ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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