i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
