apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
