i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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