Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
