you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
