Soap is not a condiment
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
