A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
