think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
