im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
