Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My vagina just clenched in fear
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize