Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize