We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
