Porn is love you can see.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
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