I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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