I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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