But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
