The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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