Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
