my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
