it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
