I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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