He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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