after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
