I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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