You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
