who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i think my tv is drunk
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Randomize
