Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
