One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
