So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
