Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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