lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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