Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
