just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize