I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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