No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
