so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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