i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize